A SCANDAL THAT MUST BE SOLVED

Loyal Countbinistas will know that I don’t just solve intergalactic trade disputes. I also sweat the local stuff too. On Earth, one of my key policy pledges is the DISGRACEFUL location of the hand dryer in the gents’ urinals at the Crown & Treaty pub in Uxbridge, West London. I pledge that if I am elected to public office I will move it to a more sensible position, so that this tiny part of the galaxy can have peace, justice, and less danger of splash-back.

If you don’t believe me that this is a pressing issue, just look at the damn thing! I won’t rest until it’s sorted.